He became an angel today

Our hearts are breaking today....I held Jim as he slipped away from us at 2:30 this morning. He was peaceful and comfortable and I held and kissed him. I will write more later. I hurt beyond words. Every movement....every breath hurts. You all loved him too. I wish I could call and tell you each personally.
Love, Elizabeth

HE LOOKED AT ME

I was standing over Jim telling him about a phone call I had from one our dear Target buddies, Jules, about a benefit ride they are doing for Jim and he opened his eyes and looked right at me!!!!!!!!!!!!! I kept talking and telling him about what Jules told me and he followed me as I moved a little bit. His brother, Rob, called my cell phone right then and I held the phone up to Jim's ear so Rob could talk to him and his eyes moved together as Rob was talking. I know he heard what I was telling him about the benefit ride. God Bless our Target friends. This was a great hour.
Love,
Elizabeth

A quick update

I have a minute to write, so I thought I would post a quick update. The doctor saw Jim this morning. He sees his semi-coma to coma state as stable from last night. His pupils seem to respond appropriately to light. I choose to continue to believe that he can hear things, so I talk about everything with him. His parents are arriving this afternoon and the doctor said he feels Jim is staying strong to see them. The nurses helped me get him washed and his linens changed so he's fresh and handsome for his mom. I have the TV on for him... there is a station that is replaying the MN Wild hockey game from last night (he's going to be disappointed when he hears they lost!). The nurses brought me a lunch tray...I ate and it tasted really good. I feel better. I told Jim's nurse that I go from being so sad that I don't feel like I can take another breath to feeling strong and positive. I feel strong right now...probably because we got Jim cleaned up and got him fresh linens....I know he's comfortable.
Love,
Elizabeth

Still fighting

Jim had a peaceful night. He is working so very very hard to breathe. His fever fluctuates. We spent another night together listening to music and holding hands. Jim's parents and brother from Phoenix arrive today. Thank you again for your love and support.
Elizabeth

Continued fight

Jim developed a fever at about 3:00 am last night. In addition to more medication, I'm helping him cool off with ice packs, cool cloths, and changing his pillow every 15 minutes or so. I have music playing....his crazy classic rock. I'm proud of him...he's fighting. He's almost completely unresponsive today. He will sometimes shake his head for me when I ask if he is comfortable or in pain. I really think he can still hear things so I keep telling him I love him. Pray for his comfort.
Love,
Elizabeth

My fighter

My Jim won a big battle last night. Yesterday there was a rapid decline in his condition. It was so fast, so dramatic, so overwhelming, so scary. Yesterday morning we woke up at home after a restful evening and night at home. Jim was weak, but we were home and so happy to be there together. We had a 1:00 radiation appointment at Methodist Hospital so we left at about noon. It really tired him out getting to radiation. While waiting for treatment, he began to ramble and not make sense. He was weak and it appeared he was having tremors on his left side. I quickly called for help and they evaluated him. We all thought that if we could complete his radiation and return home to rest....and the home health care nurse could make sure he was okay. On the drive home I called my son, Luke, to come and help me get Jim into the house. But, by the time we arrived home, Jim was hallucinating and he didn't look good. Thank God the home health nurse happened to be arriving when we got home....she quickly evaluated him and his vitals were not good....and declining fast. She called 911 and he was taken to Northfield Hospital. Jim's brother, Rob, met us there. They prepared us for the desperate situation that was before us. They stabilized him as best they could and then transported him back to Methodist Hospital. We were presented with more grave news and decisions. The doctors believed that he may have developed a blood clot in his lung....and that he may not make it through the night. Rob and I were in agreement that fluids and antibiotics were to continue. We waited and watched. I stayed by his side all night. At about 4:00 am his skin felt better....no longer cold and clammy. He was clearer in his thoughts this morning. They now believe that he had some sort of infection and not a blood clot. The situation is serious, but not as dire as the blood clot would have been. He has been heavily medicated all day. Comfort is our main priority. Rob stayed with Jim so I could go home, take a shower, and gather enough things so stay at the hospital for several days. Thank God for Rob. Jim is resting now....heavily medicated and sedated. He is fighting whatever this is, and we are giving him whatever help we can. He has a strong IV antibiotic, lots of fluids, morphine drip and other comfort drugs. I do have a sweet story to tell you....When we were at home he paged through the new Cabella's fishing catalog that had come in the mail. It was one of the last things he did at home. While Jim was hallucinating he kept making comments and actions indicating that he was fishing. I find it sweet and comforting that he was on a nice fishing trip yesterday during all the chaos. He was probably having fun. I hope he caught a big one!
Thank you for your prayers. Please keep him in your thoughts...he has a big fight ahead of him.
With love,
Elizabeth

Pray

We are back at Methodist tonight. Please pray for my sweet sweet sweet husband.
Love,
Elizabeth

Whew!

We're home. Wow...it has been a long day but it is so nice to be home together. We will go in for radiation tomorrow at 1:00 and then the Home Health RN is coming to our house at 3:00. I didn't sleep much last night, so I'm afraid that's all I have for an update tonight. Good night all!
Love,
Elizabeth

Sunday in the hospital

Jim is doing better today. He has been awake a lot and any discomfort he has is being handled with Tylenol (he's still on some narcotics for the cough). We had lots of visitors today: Our kids Luke (and girlfriend Kristin) and Kelly; my Uncle Phillip, Aunt Peggy, and cousin Alex; and the people I work for (Kim and Carl Corneliuson and daughter Sarah). It was nice to see everyone. Jim has been eating well, so that will help his strength improve. Physical therapy this afternoon....more rest after that....and all plans are still for discharge following radiation tomorrow. I can't wait to be at home. The sun looks so nice....I wish we were at home with the windows cracked open to let in some fresh air. Hospital air is.....ummm......depressing. Here's to a good, productive, healthy week ahead of us!!
Love,
Elizabeth

Saturday in the hospital...

Another short and sweet update. Jim is still in the hospital...Monday is still the tentative discharge date. His energy is definitely better than it was at home before he was admitted on Tuesday....but still a shower and brief walk really tire him out. We will be heading to physical therapy in about a half hour. They want him to continue to eat well, get some exercise and prepare for heading home on Monday. I'm hoping they will let me take him outside in a wheelchair for a little fresh air...I think it would do him good. Enjoy the beautiful weekend....could Spring actually be here??
Love,
Elizabeth

Update from the hospital

Now that Jim is in the hospital for more than a day or two, I brought in our laptop computer so he can read the blog, watch movies etc. So, as he naps beside me, I can update you on our day. He is stronger today. He had his radiation, occupational therapy and physical therapy this morning. It wiped him out. Yesterday he had radiation and occupational therapy only, and wasn't able to complete physical therapy....so he has clearly gained strength even from yesterday. I can tell that he is more comfortable today. He hasn't needed as much narcotic pain killer today and he is sleeping so peacefully. We had visitors from Target around lunch time, and I think they can verify that his "spunky" level is right up there. Home health care is being set up today....let's hope for a Monday discharge! Thanks for checking in!
Love,
Elizabeth

A good day

I walked into Jim's hospital room early this morning and he gave me a big smile and had sparkles in his eyes. I could have jumped up and down! On previous admissions this would have been the point where they sent him home. This time I think I will have to bake someone some cookies and slip them a $20 to bust him out. They (and we) don't want him to be discharged too soon only to have him re-admitted in a day or two. So, it looks like he will be in the hospital through the weekend at this point. That's okay. He will have more physical and occupational therapy over the weekend, they will continue working out the home health care arrangements, and we will go home when he is stronger. So, it may be baby steps, but everything is going in a good direction. By the way...I don't completely understand how this blog works....but I know that sometimes (for some reason) posts that you guys write get sent to our email address and not posted on the blog. I wanted you to know that we DO get them...even though you can't see them posted on the blog.
Thanks everyone!!
Elizabeth

You are all so great!!

Wow....I'm speechless. I read the posts on the blog, listened to voicemail, and read your emails and cards when I got home from the hospital. It really does help me....more than you will all ever know. By the way, I'm especially impressed that the Gold 'N Plump corporate mascot "Cooper" was kind enough to post a message on the blog (big grin)! For those of you who haven't walked past Jim's office, a co-worker gave him a HUGE stuffed chicken. Cooper is faithfully watching over Jim's office in his absence...maybe taking care of VT issues too?? Okay....back to business....Jim is doing well tonight. The oncologists and Dr. Sperduto (from the Gamma Knife procedures) reviewed the MRI from yesterday. They conclude that there are NO new tumors (yeahhhhh!). It is a normal reaction for the cancer cells to get irritated and swell a bit before they die off. Because melanoma cells are such stubborn things, they often take longer for them to die off. So, Dr. Sperduto feels that the the areas that he treated are having a perfectly normal reaction and unfortunately it resulted in pressure on Jim's brain....thus the seizure. They all concluded that the increased steroids to reduce brain swelling and increased anti-seizure medication will see him through this time of the brain tumors being irritated. Jim and I have faced the realization that we need help at home. It's so terribly frustrating to face the fact that there are things we can't do. We have ALWAYS accomplished things together, solved problems together, and taken care of each other. But, home health care is obviously needed. He has had three hospital admissions since April 1st. Jim deserves to receive care at home (no matter what it takes) rather than being stuck in a hospital all the time. I just have to get over the guilt and frustration of not being able to take care of all of his needs. So, he's resting comfortably tonight. Plans will continue tomorrow for him to come home - maybe Friday. I know I've said this before, but it will be SO NICE to have him home. I miss his cute face!
Love, thanks, and appreciation to all of you!
Elizabeth

Not again!

Hello to all our wonderfully supportive family and friends. Jim is back in the hospital tonight. When we went in for radiation treatment this morning, Jim had lab work done per his oncologists orders from last night. Let's focus on the GOOD news....his blood work looks pretty darn good. Also....the last MRI shows that the brain tumors that were treated with the Gamma Knife were smaller. So why in the world is he so weak???....and why did he have a seizure last night??? Good questions!! (If it wasn't happening to the love of my life, I would find all this medical stuff somewhat fascinating. It's it truly a giant mystery puzzle. BUT, because it's Jim, I just hate it.) They admitted him to run some more tests...including a brain MRI. He has even more specialists involved to make sure that his strength is improved and his symptoms are brought under control. He will probably be in the hospital for a couple days. I have had the frustration of reaching the extent of my physical strength when Jim has been home...getting him around is sooooo hard. The doctors want to make sure that we have additional equipment at home so that his mobility is safer and easier....and I don't drop him!! I am going to bed for a solid night's sleep and heading into the hospital early in the morning. I talked to some of you today....thank you for your kind words. They REALLY do help and they REALLY do make me stronger.
Love,
Elizabeth

Hard day

This has been a hard, frustrating day for Jim. This was the first day that we went to radiation from home. It was purely exhausting for Jim to get ready and into the car. Today confirmed the decision that we made at the end of last week - Jim will be on Short Term Disability at work. He needs to spend every ounce of strength he has to concentrate on his health. He needs to battle with all his might. I will also be taking a leave from my work...caring for him is all I have strength for. Getting home from his treatment was even more difficult...he could hardly make it in the house. Then....tonight he had a seizure. This is the first full-blown seizure that he's had since December 5th at work. I immediately called his doctor. He had me give Jim additional anti-seizure medicine and an extra pill that reduces brain swelling. Tomorrow before his radiation treatment he will have blood work done and we will discuss what to do. I would imagine that they will want to do yet another scan to find out what the heck is going on. He is most comfortable sleeping on the couch. I am going to sleep on the floor next to him so I can make sure nothing happens during the night. Maybe we will find out more tomorrow. I wish I could take this from him....I don't want him to have to go through any of this anymore. He's so weak. I wish we could all bottle up a little bit of energy for him. Think positive thoughts for Jim.
Love,
Elizabeth

Happy Easter!

Guess who the most popular person in our house is today?? It's been a restful weekend. VERY restful for Jim. All of the narcotic pain killers have him very sleepy - but his pain is able to be controlled. Yesterday (Saturday) we had our kids Joe, Tom and Kelly over for a turkey dinner. Yesterday maybe the kids were the most popular!! :-) We have a busy week ahead with radiation every day and a meeting with Jim's oncologist to talk about the treatment plan. We hope you are all having a wonderful weekend.
Love,
Elizabeth and Jim

Really home this time!

Yeah.....he's home, he's sleeping....he looks good and is very comfortable. He is much better than he was when we attempted to come home Wednesday. I got some sleep last night too and I feel like a new person. I don't have much of an update other than that! It's nice to come home and fix a nice dinner and enjoy it with the best husband in the world! We hope everyone has a wonderful Easter weekend. We wish you all the best.
With love,
Elizabeth

Another Longgggg Night

Boy-O-Boy....I thought I was tired last night. Now I'm SUPER DUPER tired! Let's hope I make some sense here. Jim is doing well. I wasn't able to get him up and into the car last night to take him to the hospital. I ended up having to call 911 to transport him. It wasn't that I couldn't get him into the car only because of the pain....but because by the time the doctor advised us to go into the hospital, Jim had taken a ton of pain killers. So, as you can imagine, he was a like a noodle.....a noodle in A LOT of pain! So, some of Northfield's finest came and helped get him loaded into an ambulance. The Northfield hospital okay'd them to transport Jim directly to Methodist Hospital in St. Louis Park. LONG ambulance ride, but by the time we arrived at Methodist, his pain was under control. Go figure! So, one problem they dealt with today is why that particular pain killer I gave him last night took so long to take effect. They have him on another drug today and it seems to be helping. It looks like they are aiming to discharge him again tomorrow. It truly will be a Good Friday if he can be at home....for more than 9 hours! I came home from the hospital early this evening. I have to sleep. Good night everyone!
Love, Elizabeth

What a difference a couple hours make

Well, it's 10:00 pm and we need to go back to the hospital....Jim is in severe pain. The on call oncologist says it's probably muscle strain pain and not cancer related - his medication results in muscle structure weakness and injuries are more possible. But...it's uncontrollable pain even with his high power narcotics. I'm so scared and sad. It will be another long night. We have to go. Wish us a fast drive back to Methodist.
Elizabeth

HOME!!!

Oh, how nice to have Jim home! He is resting comfortably. It took a toll on him getting home...more walking and movement than he has had in quite a while. But, after a quick stop at Target to have his new prescriptions filled, we arrived home to the warm reception of our chocolate lab, Emily. Boy, did she check out Jim....she was concerned about the hand where he had the IV needle. But, after some good sniffs she agreed that it was SUPER AWESOME to have him home safe and sound. The oral narcotics continue to really dope him up. But, he will just have to stay on them until they know that the tumor has shrunk a bit. We will be meeting with his oncologist late next week to review the progress of the radiation and look at our options. I guess there may be some chemotherapy options right away (even while he is still on radiation). I've said it before....I'll say it again....he's a trooper. He amazes me. You would all be so proud of him if you could see the courage, strength, humor and determination he shows every day. I am making a big pot of chicken noodle soup tonight. Not much sounds good to him, but he will need to eat to get some strength back...so I'm on a mission. Here's to a good night's sleep!!
Love,
Elizabeth

Another night in the hospital

Hello! It was a much better day for Jim! He was able to get a great night's sleep last night - despite a nursing assistant coming in at 1:30 am to have him get up to get weighed!! It turned out to be a mistake for them to have him do that and doctors and nurses apologized all day. He still has his morphine pump, but they are weaning him off of that onto oral narcotics so that he can manage the cough from home. He MAY come home tomorrow, depending on how he does during the night with getting off the morphine pump. It will be soooooooo nice for him to come home. I miss him like crazy when he's not here. The cat and dog just don't have the sense of humor and communication skills that he has! I promised him that I won't wake him up during the night to make him get on a scale to be weighed :-) . He had his first radiation session this morning. That will continue every day for 6 weeks. Time for me to try to get some sleep.
Good night all!
Elizabeth

Upcoming battle

Hi everyone. Thank you for coming to the blog to check on Jim's progress. He is more comfortable today. Jim's new friend...the morphine pump! The oncologists hooked him up to a morphine pump through his IV...not for pain, but the drug suppresses the cough reflex. He is very very out of it today, but finally not suffering from the cough. The tumor in his chest is the root of the problem. So, we are taking on that problem on full force. We met with the radiation doctor and staff today. He got the mold made and marking tattoos put on and will be able to start radiation tomorrow morning. Because Jim seems to respond quickly to radiation, they are hoping that the tumor will shrink fast - reducing pressure against his windpipe. It is definitely the battle that must be won before we can move on with any chemotherapy treatment. It's hard to see him so out of it - he looks like he needs detox more than radiation! But, it's nice to see him comfortable. I hate being at home when he's in the hospital....but I will sleep better tonight knowing that he is sleeping peacefully. Thank you for keeping Jim in your thoughts and prayers. I will update you tomorrow.
Love,
Elizabeth

Back to the hospital

Good morning everyone. It was a rough weekend for Jim. He developed a terrible cough on Wednesday or Thursday....and it just kept progressing. We had an appointment with his oncologist to review all the scans this morning (Monday) so we kept thinking that we would wait until then to have his cough checked out. Well, the poor guy wasn't able to get any sleep and was getting so weak from coughing and coughing. I, of course, became concerned that he may have developed pneumonia again. Yesterday afternoon we went into Methodist ER and he was admitted. It doesn't appear to be pneumonia....good news. It is concerning, however, that he has this terrible cough. He needs sleep and comfort....and they have lots of good medicine to help with that. Hopefully he had a better nights sleep. I didn't get a call during the night, so I'm hopeful that he got some rest. I am headed into the hospital now. We will have a day filled with tests and consultations with his oncologists. He was scheduled to start chemo. anyway (either traditional or with that study), so perhaps all of this will move that plan up even more. Please keep Jim in your thoughts...he needs a little extra boost of strength from all of us.
Love,
Elizabeth